fox's thoughts

hey! welcome to my journal! used to host it via dreamwidth, but decided i like this format better. i'm not a writer, really, and displaying my thoughts like this works better for me.
explore, & watch this area grow :) i hope to keep expanding it.
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12-2-2022

personal

wow i have. really not updated here in awhile, huh?

i've been really tired & overwhelmed lately; job search sucks and i don't really have very much energy to post anywhere often. keep meaning to update this blog area but nothing/nowhere feels Safe in my mind. (eventually once i find a job that doesn't go back and take away a job offer i'll find a therapist, this a promise and a threat to myself. lotta undiagnosed issues going on up here <gestures at my head>). i'll be around on and off though when i'm feeling ''Okay''.

do have an interview soon though! hoping to get that job, it's not super high paying (only a few dollars above minimum wage in my area) but it'll be nice to have something that gets me out of this house for once. really hate sitting around doing nothing, it's not good for anything.

10-24-2022

personal

i wish job search were easier. its been months and i still have nothing to show for it, even with applying to any job i see. and job search sites make everything so much more difficult. with fake listings and "listings" that are just for some app like uber or doordash or whatever. it's so exhausting to apply to over probably 200? more? jobs and still have absolutely nothing. even when something seems promising i just end up being ghosted after the interview.

literally just want anything at this point. im so tired of searching.

10-21-2022

personal fandom

thinking about a lot of things, especially interacting / how i interact in fandom spaces nowadays. because i don't really get along with people (especially when i disagree with them on just about anything - especially when it comes to characters i like and how i think about media) & i've blocked a lot of people and a lot of tags silently because some things i just can't see without getting angry about it. (and i think more people should use blocks). doesnt really work when what makes me angry can't be blocked (ie: people who exclude something/someone from their "about the media" post) or is so widespread that no one cares to tag it anymore.

....both of those are specific examples. i've blocked a lot of people for creating content like that (even if it doesn't really keep me from seeing it). i've probably barricaded a lot of doors with this behaivor, but thats fine, really. i'm in my little fandom bunker that no one can enter playing with little figures of my favs alone while ignoring the hell/wasteland that is greater fandom. should've done this earlier.

(related: anyone reading this whos watched fyreuk play mianite? and want to talk about them with the only other person still thinking abt them (me)? please send me a message)

10-19-2022

personal fandom

i miss technoblade so much. keep going between "i can watch his videos" and "thinking abt him hurts too much" and i hate this. hate people dying. this sucks. the video his dad did with dream is so sweet, though, i'm so glad he did that.

10-14-2022

personal fandom

saw ghost files live last night!!! i'm so glad i was able to see them, it was so fun :) love ryan & shane so much. everyone go watch ghostfiles & puppet history & too many spirits NOW.

9-21-2022

personal

been thinking about a friend i had in elementary school quite a bit recently. we havent spoken in probably around 10 years, but i still use & draw (albeit very changed) characters we made together & i still have something she drew me sitting in my childhood bedroom. weird how even after someone stops being in your life, they're still in your life, huh. been thinkin about sending her a message recently but i don't even know where to start.

9-16-2022

personal identity

i wish there was more of an aro community, especially ones with older aros. i .. don't know how to find anyone else who experiences being aromantic simular to how i do, though. either people are aroace or aroallo, and i'm not either of those, really. i've thought i was at different points in my life, and neither work for me. and everything about being aro, (especially non-sam aro people. which is what resonates with me the best) especially on tumblr, is made for allo people. or people who arent aro. which is fine. i guess. just wish it didn't feel so isolating sometimes. even looking into the aromantic tag on tumblr is either headcanons (which are fun, and i enjoy that myself, but not what i'm lookin for) or people talking about being aroace. wish it wasn't so isolating, sometimes.